Entangled - tired, squeezed, wet and torn

Holding onto any vertical or horizontal support, with body squeezed and posture turned as per the space provided, sometimes supported by one leg and sometimes only by one hand, feeling weight of a heel on your foot or both legs, some one's butt pushing your leg to turn and feeling like undergoing a conditioning camp for mountaineering in a chair position, then suddenly feeling your face fitting into under arms of person on side and taking in the all with your next breath, changing face and you meet eyes of the person who you are not sure is pushing his butt for his support or is the person who just smelled your armpits, or is the one looking for the seat available at next stop or is actually person inclined to get off at next stop, but you shift your eyes and meet another glare, and you shift your hands from left to right to hold on to support and say silently 'i'm sorry' and at the same time say 'why don't you get out of here man', suddenly you are aware of your wallet in back pocket, but are relieved because there is enough closeness here to keep you constantly feel that it is secured and then you check that the cell phone in front pocket is as secured with it entangled with a pushing leg, suddenly you feel a drop of perspiration trickling down from you back of head and entering your back and trying to reach downwards but its path is suddenly broken by a dead end board put up by an adjacent hand hitting your back that you don't even feel any pain, but then there is flood oozing out from head and face and sweat dropping down and you don't care where it is coming from and where does it go from there, because you are busy smelling a mixture of odors of drunken mouths and tobacco smoke and you try to cough, but suddenly feel that you need to change your leg position and move from supporting your body on your right leg now,this is what happens in daily bus service, then any new entry at any bus stop, even stoppage, is despised, sometimes silently and many times verbally or physically.

Nightmare

I've a cousin. She is 9years old and is very irritating specially with me. Like I'm thorn who pinches her whenever we are together. I'm not sure why but disturbing me with her socks when I'm having lunch or talking damn irritatingly for no reason and that's how my afternoon goes. But one day rather night, I got a dream or call it nightmare, where I'm in front of cousin's mother and I've to tell her that her daughter is dead. This woke me literally from all senses and I was waiting to hug my cousin sister as I met her and now let her irritate me or do anything, but I'm keeping myself at peace. Its all truce. But I was taken aback that how disturbing thought could be. Mind is amazing piece and not at peace.

I am 60, AM I?

"I just noticed a fact that i am turning 60. But nobody seems to notice. Everyone is busy on his/her own ride of life. No one has to time to think about how i feel to be 60. They seem to walk past, ignoring me. As if I'm nobody. They don't think i exist anymore. Or of i do exist, be it like any other thing. No one cares how it feels to be free, because no one is free. They are tied up in their own life, own travel, own living, own future, own siblings, own plans, own enjoyment, own tears, own sadness, own romanticism, own hatred, own guilt, own poverty, own richness, own happiness, own laughter. No body cares that i exist, that i exist for them, that their tears falls on me, their blood falls on me, their dancing legs step on me, their bodies rest inside me, their laughter, their sadness, their richness, their poverty all belongs to me.
No body cares that I, INDEPENDENT INDIA is turning 60."

Sapped legs

As i went to sleep at 4am, early wee hours, the first chirping on birds had started and as i lay i was feeling dried, tired, exhausted and with sapped legs. Tired ... why was i tired.... tired as if i had taken the long journey of one month.. tired if i had traversed that journey Federer took from defeat at clay and then coming back to claim the crown again at Wimbledon after exactly a month, exhausted and relieved as Federer if he had not won this Wimbledon, it might have taken a more heavy toll not just on body but right in those mind and those lines just below the temples that govern his thought, because this was his territory and he dared not to let in his greatest rival ever to stamp here. Tired because i could not think like Federer could not ...what if he had lost. Tired as the loser matador which Nadal is and in spite of losing he was the winner, because he has simply paved the way for maybe the greatest rivalry. Tired because i lost like Nadal giving the fight to last but losing it to the greatest but still showing that there has been improvement which no one could believe even though it was a ride till the final but taking a set and fighting to the core was the thing that has confirmed that matador is here to watch out for.

Tired and exhausted as i had the legs of Cannavaro that perched on the podium and lifted that beautiful trophy of the so called beautiful game. Those legs of the most challenging and strongest defender of maybe all times, those legs that danced after the match but not before challenging and clearing the Italian defense of Henries, Riberies or Maloudas or Zizous. Those same weary legs that went out in disgrace, tired of all the burden, tired of all million eyes that must be putting him to shame, those legs that earlier had woven the magic called Zizous but now tired of all the artisitry and going in the tunnel of infamy. It might be legs of the player who saw it all, legs that hit the heel of Malouda and gave the glory to Zizou, same legs then went in air above and so high that no one had done before and helping the head to equalise, same legs that met those glorified skillful legs only to see them support a head butt and then leave the field in utter disgrace, those same legs of Materazzi who after watching all these also headed and hit the ball on the rightest possible spot inside the goalpost in penalties. These could be the weary but excited legs of any of the Azzurris who were jumping in sheer ecstasy or could be the weary but shocked legs of Lez Bleus. It could be legs of Marcelo Lippi, that went ahead to grab the jacket even as other legs jumped in euphoria as calmly as he had marshaled his troupe, or maybe as weary as Domeneche's, taking the criticism all this time even though seeing the team through to finals and now watching his most glorified legs already gone in derision and now watching his bunch standing in disbelief as if questioning what had they done wrong that their fate was decided in 15 seconds filled with blemish.

Or it could be those weary legs that simply went to sleep on thoughts of all the excitement, euphoria, sadness, madness, gushness, sadness and any other emotion ever observed or felt in last 40 days. Time to take rest and push the restart button.

Swagat 2006

Welcome 2006

I welcomed the New Year as it has happened for previous years. Cool, away from crowd, in confines of walled rooms. Difference was that I was informed that Jan 01, 2006 arrived one second late, making 2005 a longer year. May be this one second made some difference to the society as a whole.

Why I felt so was, when I opened the television and switched from latest music videos to watch some news channel. The main bulletin heading in all channels was “Swagat 2006” or “Welcome 2006”. And the news summary shown had these lines –
• 6 person burnt alive in Raghopur (Bihar)
• 1 mother and her 5 children burnt alive
• 2 females found badly bruised and wounded lying nude in Punjabi Bagh area in Delhi
• Females suspected to have been raped
• Mumbai Model rape: accused sent to judicial custody

And later in detail report on New Delhi wounded females found news, it was also mentioned that apparently one rape occurred in Narela area of north west Delhi when People were waiting for new year or were in ecstasy of new Year arrival.

I’m not raising any questions here anymore. Time is there to find out the root causes of issues/problems and then work tediously towards resolutions. I feel we have spent a huge time in raising questions about society behavior and patterns and not worked on finding the issues or even if issues found were left vacant without any resolutions being found or if found not implemented or if implemented left in limbo and not taken care of.

I am feeling kind of ashamed in saying 3 words, Happy New Year, somehow as it feels too ironical and hypocrite to blurt these words. Does it look like really a Happy Year with this bizarre start with gruesome realities being opened? I’m already waiting for better, vibrant headlines for Jan 01, 2007.